Thursday, October 13, 2011

Psychotic Food Texts

My poor, poor husband. I'm only 12 weeks pregnant and already I've given him a MUCH harder time with the "honey, can you pick up..." texts throughout the work day. I can only recall a few from my pregnancy with Anna.

1. Beef Jerky from Karl's Country Market in Menomonee Falls. Yes, that specific. He went in, cleaned them out and then told them they better keep it coming because his pregnant wife was craving it.

2. Cheetos. "Hubby, we have a cheeto emergency. THERE ARE NO CHEETOS!!!" His response? "A lack of planning on your part, does not constitute an emergency on my part. You should have stopped on your way home." Bah. Humbug.

Lately, though, since I have the excuse of crazy, tiny human who won't let me go to the store without driving the car carts and buying at least two packs of M&Ms (I MAY have *something* to do with that. STOP JUDGING ME!), I've been sending texts to him indicating my preference that he be at my constant beck and call, and shower me with whatever food tickles my fancy. Are you surprised he's started ignoring my texts? See below.

From bed the day after I told him about the baby. He was letting me sleep in.


A few days later. Hubby had texted to ask if he could go out with some friends after work. I had earlier said no problem. Please, before you label me "too crazy to be friends with any more" understand that these took place over an ENTIRE afternoon (about 4 hours).

"Changed my mind. Only ok if you bring home potato chips. I am not joking."
"Plain potato chips, no ruffles. Ruffles are for weenies."
"For real will you please bring me potato chips?"
"Poh-Tay-Toe chips. I shall not rest til thee are in mah belly! It's becoming a problematic obsession."
"Potato Chips or Perish!"
"If you'd acknowledge my request I wouldn't have to change the locks on the off-chance you come home WITHOUT potato chips. Which would be ridiculous."
Hubby: "There will be potato chips."
Me again: "Listen out your window! I think you'll be able to hear the Hallelujah Chorus from there. (thank you)"
"Do you hate me yet?"

Another day, around lunch time.
"Yeah, I'm gonna need a pie."

This is not food related, but I found it in my perusal of texts between me and hubby and it made me laugh.
"Ohh man, the kid just asked how the baby got in my tummy. I really wanted to say I ate it. Then she said "mom, I wish it was twins."

One evening trying to figure out dinner plans before end of day.

"Dear, could we please please have Noodles & Co for dinner? Could you please please bring it home with you?"
"Or enchiladas?"
"Or a giant pan of frosted brownies?"
"You should respond or I'm just going to keep sending you random foods."

And, finally, last night.

"I can't stop thinking about pudding...can you help a sister out? I mean, I know I'm not a sister but could you still pick up some pudding on your way home?"

I'd also like to add, that hubby is a good sport, and I do this mostly to amuse myself. He did bring the potato chips. And I think he brought Noodles & Co for me. Otherwise, he just ignores me and laughs at me when he gets home. As he should.