Thursday, August 9, 2012

How to Take a Bath

This was an exercise for the writer's group I belong to, and I enjoyed it so I thought I'd share.  The prompt was to write a list from a child's perspective on how to do something.  The example given was how to behave in church.  Very cute.  I had just had the afternoon bathtime from Hades so I focused on that for my response.  Here it is:

Anna's How-To: Take a Bath

1. When mom announces bathtime, strip naked, then run and hide. (Bonus points if you make it outside before she catches you.)
2. Dump ALL the bath toys into the tub before you get in.  If you've done this correctly, there should be approximately 9 square inches of open space for you to occupy.
3. Pretend not to hear when mom says to turn the water off.
4. When the water is so deep that you're floating a little, THEN turn it off.
5. Put on your goggles.
6. Fill at least 5 cups with water and place them strategically on the outside edge of the tub.  These will ward off and alert you to any incoming parents with the intent to wash.
7. Use your goggles to explore the 2 million bath toys you dumped into the tub in step 2.
8. Soap is a 4-letter word.  Treat it as such.
9. Resist "washing" until mom threatens to turn on the shower.  You don't want rain on your rubber duck parade.
10. Complain as much as possible during the washing process.  I promise, this makes it go faster.
11. "Keep the water in the tub" is just something grown-ups say. Go ahead and splash that stuff everywhere!
12. Rub soap across your lips. Blot lips together.  Now you will bubble when you talk.
13. When mom says it's time to get out, hunker down.  You're good and slippery all wet and naked.  No way she's getting you out of there by force.
14. Dry off - use this time to pretend you are Mary or a stone or just plain invisible under that towel.
15. Comb is another 4-letter word.  Run for the back door.
16. Insist on putting on your own pajamas.  Insist that backwards IS, in fact, the way you meant to wear them!
17. Brush your teeth.  Make sure you brush each. individual. tooth.  Repeat process as able with the toothpaste of every member of your family.
18. Fly into a rage at the mere mention of the removal of your toys from their positions in the tub.
19. Leave your towel on the floor.  You have people to clean up stuff like that.

Writing this from her perspective was fun!  I could see looking at other Anna-tics (Anna + antics - get it?  No?  Sorry.) and writing them out like this as well.

1 comment:

  1. Sounds very familiar! I loved the "rain on your rubber duck parade" part. I may have snort-laughed.