Anna's "How To": How to Get Ready for School
1. Play dead when mom comes in to wake you up.
2. Erupt into tears when she suggests you remove your PJs in favor of the outfit she picked out for you.
3. Choose your replacement outfit on your own while she's not looking. Stripes and polka dots DO go together and pants are ALWAYS optional. Also, no matter what mom says, tights ARE actually pants and CAN be worn on their own. That woman has no clue about fashion.
4. Feign ignorance when mom suggests that you need breakfast. Breakfast? Please. Breakfast is for the weak.
5. Change your mind at least 4 times about what food is acceptable to your distinguished taste buds for today's breakfast. Foods you loved yesterday are now disgusting to you. Keep mom on her toes by deciding halfway through breakfast preparation that you no longer want what she is making.
6. No matter how many times mom says "Eat your breakfast," DO. NOT. GIVE. IN. This is a scare tactic employed by adults who are out to rule the morning routine. The longer you hold out, the more you are stickin' it to the man (or the mom, as the case may be).
7. Brushes of any kind are not to be trusted. It's best to hide at the mere mention of a tooth or hair brush
8. Growls and mean faces are the only forms of response required when mom demands that you "stop fooling around and just put your shoes on already!"
9. Get in your car seat, buckle your seat belt and DEMAND your favorite selection of music be played immediately. Chant, yell or roar until mom complies.
10. Make sure you finish picking your nose before it's time to cross the street to school. Don't worry about a tissue. Moms don't care if you wipe it on their hands.
11. Act cool in front of the other kids about saying good bye to your mom and brother, but as soon as she walks out the door, run after her screaming, "WAIT! I WANT TO HUG MY BROTHER!" Moms don't need hugs like babies do.
*Anna is thoroughly enjoying school now. She's made some friends and loves recess. She was very angry with me that this past weekend was four days long. Hope she's ok with this coming weekend only being two days!